In my shoes...

You say

Stoicism is bliss when in yourself....but disconcertingly upsetting when in others... Its like speaking to a stone....that point you reach when there is no way forward....no adjustment... you know just the right solution...but also the pointlessness in suggesting it!! those are times when the opacity of the human soul makes you wonder...a fellow being...and yet so unlike...so indiscernible!!! so unobliging!! unfeeling! you are at your wits end....the tremendousness of the calamity and the conflicting indifference....the frustration and the inability to vent it out...and of course, the inconsequentiality of your agony.

but I say -

if only you could see the other side of the deal...

if only you knew the joy therein!

the joy in not knowin...

not understanding...

n not even bothering!

or in forgetting...

forgoing...

even if not forgiving...

the convenience of it all...

the wisdom it entails...

the immense cocoon....

the world is all blossoms!!

the anxiety remained...

I gave him a red, red rose!
He brought out his scissors...
bisected it...
held it in cross-section
and asked me to find the gynoecium.

I told him, "love!"
he wanted to know the etymology of it...
and then wondered
about the phonetic irregularity.

So, exasperated...
I gave him my heart...
Will he? Wont he???
And lo! behold!!
He made me his own!!!

The Epitaph
This summer,
could you outdo the sun?
This summer,
just this summer,
could you please make it warm???

TALK

we walk,
we talk,
we laugh out loud.
we stop,
we wonder,
we whisper, we shout.

but once in a while,
a silence descends...
a silence unpremeditated!
an uncanny silence.
a silence unreasonable,
or a pregnant pretense-
perhaps alleged apathy
or even mere ignorance!
that gratifying sense of self-pity
of being the un-accommodated one;
or the irked, trapped sensibility
entreating earnest isolation.
a silence of question
a silence of thought
a silence to measure out
limits and worth
percolating our gestures-
the silence awaits.
a minute scrutiny of slippers
an evading gait...
a sudden honk
breaks the drilling drone!
the exasperation
has reached its brink!
if only a look, an accidental touch
if only a smile, or a wink.

we walk.
we baulk.
we reason, we shrink!
we ponder
we expect
a pitter-patter, a clink...

Wouldn't it be nice if on a moon-lit night,
we were together, you and I...
a light breeze wiping out all that pain...
we let the magic weave us whole again...
you become you and I become me,
& we walk away like we never were we

OK... this is weird!!I had an early weekend when a particular class was cancelled...and I expected my dutiful self to get down to the jobs at hand (read washing clothes and completing 5 chapters of semantics and computational grammar!!) and here I am, Friday noon...after a rather early night yesterday( a respectable 12.30 am) and a three hours of a blissful nap in the morning (post breakfast to pre lunch, straight!!) dutifully commenting on friends' blogs!! a very productive job, I tell you!! and now I have to leave...not to my study table...but out with friends for the evening...and the best part is, I might just scrap the plan...because am dreadfully sleepy!!
is it the lazy me or is it the sleep-inducing music in the EFL-U air???

Its 2am in the morning and I am wide awake...am intrigued...by death...Do people ever think of how they would like to end their lives??? Do you ever have any fascination for a certain modus operandi for your own death? I never knew I did!

The idea of a free fall has always intrigued me...falling from a cliff...a real high cliff... all you have to do is just let yourself loose...arms outstretched...legs apart...that primordial posture... n you just go down... Down! Down! Down!

Carefree... numb...when time seems eternity...or may be a moment! All you can see, is perhaps the cliff. The tip from where you started (that is, if you want to spoil the reverie by opening your eyes!) transcending the realms of reality ,you just descend into the euphoria of nothingness...the freedom of un-belonging... and you just go down...down! down! Down!

Resigned on life... un-loved life...totally...absolutely! but this resignation is not shrouded by despair... it ensues from contentment...a happy heart..a satisfied soul...who has lived through this world, and is now looking forward to the next... perhaps a higher world...perhaps not...will find out!

And so, you don’t dread hitting the ground...reality is lost on you, remember? The epiphany has gone past. The physicality of it is only a consequence. The blows that life has dealt to you are perhaps too hard-hitting to make you conscious of this one. The stupor of the soul can no more be broken... I just go down... down! Down! Down!

Oh! For that contentment! This life!

That fulfilment! I yearn for this experience...

Its not that i never knew it!
radiant with self - conceit,
that smug smile of yours,
vain with the knowledge.
You and me, we were Eternity.
And between us flowed eternity.
And I lied! you fortified.
You believed! I denied.
"Mean!", I said appalled.
You resisted, "impractical."
Pride waged a war
but Vanity stood tall.
Pride whined away
but there was no fall.
just waste,desentisization.
just silent retaliation.
love was tomorrow.
the wait? Too hollow!
The nights were despair,
they never ceased to follow.
That knowing smile of yours,
that wicked, alluding chimera.
those sniffled tears, that era.
yes! you changed me! Sincera

Troubled...

Have u ever been through this?? This feeling of being satisfied with life...and burdened with the knowledge that your satisfaction is only skin deep....Of being with people who love u...n yet feeling unloved....Those moments when you know just the right thing you should be doing...but you are still looking... Those nights when you are dying to spend time with yourself....begging yourself to speak to you...tell u what it wants....n u keep wandering....Doing the rounds...have u ever missed yourself in You???